pink lemonade and rainbow sprinkles

forever daddy's girl

2009-04-23T09:37:00.000-07:00

Try your very best to find all of the pictures asked for. Use Facebook or the pictures stored in your computer. If you can't find one, that's okay. But leave all questions in the survey for others to find. :)

1. A picture of you in your room

... nothing happened :p not that it's any of your business.

2. A picture of you posing with someone you don't actually like

H8CHU. Pero salamat sa pagpunta sa lamay ni Papa.

3. A picture with a former crush.

Hindi man kami nagkatuluyan sa huli, siya pa rin ang first love ko. (2006 pa to...)

4. A picture of you very drunk.

I don't drink :|

5. A picture of you with a parent or two.

:(

Our last picture together :( I MISS YOU.

6. A picture of you on your birthday, or your favorite holiday.

This is my favorite day :(

7. A picture of you from your younger years.

in my Papa's arms :(

8. A picture of you in one of your favorite outfits.

My Papa and I went to an Ukay Ukay. He picked some clothes out for me pa hahaha.

9. A picture of you making a goofy face at the camera.

10. A picture you might have edited to make yourself more attractive.

Okay. It didn't work.

11. A picture of you and a team or club you're in.

TEAM CHINESE IMMIGRANTS. (Dehesa Family)

BROKEN HEARTS AND FLYING PURPLE UNICORNS CLUB. (what?)

Wala si MJ at Sam So dito.

12. A picture of a night you regret...

Nalaman ko na may sakit si Papa.

13. A picture of you showing off a new haircut. (even if it's an old haircut)

14. A picture of you truly being yourself.

15. Your most recent picture.

I don't want to take pictures anymore.

16. A picture of you being absolutely ridiculous.

17. A picture you're tagged in on Facebook that you aren't actually in.

Guess which. Obviously yung dancer. Duh.

18 .A picture of a time in your life that's over, but you wish it wasn't.

After you were gone, I opened your car and saw pictures. You had written captions on them and it broke my heart because I never showed you all of our pictures... I was always too busy with other things.

19. A picture of a time in your life that's over, and you couldn't be more thankful that it is.

I wish I could go back to any time in my life before April 10.

If I could steal one final glance
One final step, one final dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end
Cause I'd love, love, love to dance with my father
again

20. A picture with your oldest friends.

21. A picture with your newest friends.

My older brother.

22. A picture of you when you were anything but happy... even if you were smiling and did your best to hide it.

23. A picture of you that you had no idea was being taken.

Christian was taking a picture of our hands.

24. A picture of you when you were a different person than you are now

Wordstruck days.

25. A picture of you in a fashion "DON'T"

26. A picture of you in a swimsuit - whether you love it or loathe it

I don't want to post my picture. Here's the swimsuit, though.

27. A picture of you taking a shot / chugging a beer / downing some sort of mixed drink

I'm holding it but I didn't drink it.

I MISS THIS.

28. A picture of yourself that you hate

I hate this because I always begged you to let me drive and now I wish you could drive me again.

29. A picture of you with someone you love

30. A picture of how you'd like the world to see you

A ~*STAR*~ Hahaha.

31. A picture that describes how you'd like to spend every day

32. A picture of a time when everything was changing

33. A picture that makes your heart hurt

I WILL MISS THIS.

34. A picture that makes your heart smile

35. A picture of one of the best times of your life

my dearest best friend

2009-02-24T06:21:00.000-08:00

As children, we planned our lives out as if it were as simple as choosing between the rusty seesaw or the worn-out swing at recess. We drew images of our future with every color of the rainbow stacked neatly inside yellow Crayola boxes and sealed the deal by linking our pinky fingers together and solemnly vowing "peksman, cross my heart and hope to die".

Even at a young age, I was already sure that we would eventually live together in a messy, cramped dormitory that was surprisingly decorated in a similar way as your Polly Pocket Dream House and go to the same college. Of course, there was no doubt in my mind that the fact that we would have different professions would be no problem. Our offices would obviously be conveniently located within walking distance from each other so that we could take public transportation together in the mornings and evenings and also have lunch together during our break like we were still sharing our packed lunch in grade school or overpriced iced coffee in high school.

Many details in our story used to change as we grew older and our interests varied. The posters on the walls of our future dormitory room went from the Spice Girls to Westlife to Stephen Speaks while the college that we planned on going to became located farther and farther, until eventually we were both positive that we would go to a University in New York. Even our career paths had bends and kinks in the road - we switched options in our lines of work so frequently that it was hard even for our over active imagination to keep up. I wanted to be a psychologist one week, a journalist the next, while you considered tourism and weighed its pros and cons against the competitive field of HRM.

Throughout all of this, our friendship remained as constant as the goto wth egg served at the Canteen or the sermons Ms. Gatchalian gave during assemblies in the Social Hall (Hole). And even now, as I ponder on how differently our lives turned out from our plans, I know that I can give up the dream of working closely together or even forcing our future children to be best friends, too, just as long as our friendship remains non-negotiable.

Because right now, as I lose everything else, I realize that there are a few things that I can still count on. And I'm happy that what I have with you will always be one of them.

there's a 13 year-old girl inside of me that will never get over missing you

2009-02-24T05:38:00.000-08:00

thank you for being a friend. it's a far cry from what we used to be, but I'll take whatever I can get. I just pray that I won't lose you - God knows it was hard enough the first time.

and I should know better than to solve a problem by making another mistake but please understand that you are the only person I can tell my secrets to. I don't want to give other people reasons to pity or make fun of me more than they already do but with you, I don't have to be afraid of what you will think.

after all, no one else in this world knew me at my worst and still chose to love me like I was the best.

and I wish I would blog instead of doing this but

2009-02-24T05:35:00.000-08:00

EVER LOST A CELL PHONE?
- july 24, 2008 :)
2.THINGS YOU SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON?
- make up (horrible skin.. okay), food, clothes :)
3.LAST FOOD YOU ATE?
- fruit cocktail :)
4.WHERE DO YOU LIVE?
- welcome to the town of puto :)
6.CAN YOU COOK?
- no :( I love oven toaster and electric water heater
7.CAN YOU SING?
- unfortunately not :(
8.DO YOU SMOKE?
- never have
9.PANCAKES OR FRENCH TOASTS?
- pancakes! nom nom nom :)
10.DO YOU LIKE COFFEE?
- somnetimes :)
11.WHAT WAS THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE YOU RECEIVED?
- "mahal na mahal kita therese ko. akin ka na ba talaga forever? =c"
12.CAN YOU PLAY POOL?
- nope
14.FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?:
- any! LOVE IT :)
15.WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP THIS
MORNING?
- 7? early riser eh :)
16.WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO THIS WEEKEND?
- date? yay :)
17.DO YOU THINK YOUR FAMOUS?
- no :(
18.DO YOU HAVE A SISTER?
- I have, in my heart :)
19.WHAT WERE YOU DOING 30 MINUTES AGO?
- chatting with Jess?
20.IF YOU WERE A COLOR, WHAT WOULD YOU BE?
- depends on my mood.. mostly pink though :)
21.IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE RIGHT NOW, WHERE?
- somwehere far :)
22.FOOD YOU'RE CRAVING FOR RIGHT THIS
MINUTE?
- water lang :)
23.NAME PEOPLE WHO'S NAME STARTS WITH
THE LETTER"J"?
- jess, JODI (corinne)
24.WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU PUT IN YOUR MOUTH?
- when I wake up? water
25. DO YOU HATE ANYONE?
- nope :(
26.WHERE DO YOU USUALLY HANG OUT?
- la casita
28.WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO TOMORROW?
- i don't know yet
30.FAVORITE DAY?
- with you :)
32.WHOSE BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP?
- misha?
33.WHERE IS HE/SHE?
- bahay lang
34.HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
- konti lang :)
35.FAVORITE PLACE IN YOUR HOUSE?
- kahit saan may signal :(
36.WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE FRUITS?
- any! love them
37.IF YOU'RE SUPERHERO, WHO WILL YOU BE?
- powerpuff girl :p
38.WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU DID THIS MORNING?
- thought of you
39.LAST THING YOU DO BEFORE GOING TO BED?
- close my eyes nga
40.WHICH DO YOU PREFER MOVIE OR COFFEE?
- basta with someone :(
41.SKIRT/SHORT OR PANTS?
- usually pants :(
42.WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE MALL?
- anywhere.. di ako masyado mahilig lately eh
43.WHAT DO YOU DO THERE?
- walk, eat, shop
44.WHAT ANIMAL WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE AS A PET?
- can I take you home?
45.DO YOU DRINK?
- no
46.CAN YOU DANCE?
- not much
47.JOLLIBEE, MCDO or KFC?
- lahat :) love fast food
48.LAST SONG YOU HEARD?
- dont remember
49.LAST MOVIE THAT YOU WATCHED
- heartbreak kid
50. BEER or HARD?
- neither
50. DO YOU SAY I LOVE YOU, EVEN YOU DONT MEAN IT?
- never
51. DO YOU PLAN TO HURT SOME ONE?
- no
52. HOW'S YOUR LOVELIFE?
- thank God
53. RECENT GIFT YOU RECEIVE?
- cake from poknat
55. DO YOU EXPERIENCE TO BE LOVED?
- yes
56. HOW MANY BF/GF LOVED U?
- not applicable
57. ARE YOU EASILY JEALOUS?
- yes
58. DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE?
- always
59. ARE YOU FLIRT?
- harmless
60. DOES ANYONE HATE YOU?
- i hope not :(

If someone says we need to talk, what runs through your mind?
- oh no :( no good sentence begins with that phrase.. has anyone ever said "let's get ice cream" or "your shoes are awesome" after that? didn't think so.
Are you in a good mood?
- not really :(
What made you sad today?
- missing someone :(
Ditched school to do something more fun?
- never. yes, I am aware that I am a suck up.
What was the first thing you did this morning?
- cry :p
Can you honestly say that things are running smoothly for you?
- no :( why
Are you better at Math or English?
- Math.. ulul.
In the past week have you felt stupid?
- yes :( not to mention disappointed and depressed but whatever.
How's your heart lately?
- kind of broken but then again I'm blessed :)
Were you happy when you woke up today?
- happier than I have been in the past few days but still so sad :(
Do you know the words to the song/songs on your Friendster profile?
- not applicable :(
Last thing received in the mail?
- christmas card.. wow everything makes me sad.
Besides this, what are you doing?
- thinking really hard :(
When was the last time something bothered you?
- something always bothers me :(
Have you ever fallen asleep on the telephone?
- yes :)
Have you ever told anyone you were okay when you're not?
- what else am I supposed to say?
Are you fighting with someone?
- I don't think so
Where was the last place you went besides your house
- La Salle Bundok
Do you know the last person/people you were in a car with other than family?
- Michael, Sam, Jacque, Samantha and Maren
Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months?
- yes
How many months until your birthday?
- nung ngcmula ako sa bulitin na to, hinde ko pa bday. ngyun bday ko na. haha:)) - actually.
Last sporting event you watched on TV?
- probably basketball? not a fan.
Are you sleepy?
- yes
Is cheating ever okay?
- on school? yes. something else? no, not really.
Can you whistle?
- no :(
Waiting on anything?
- yes!
What shoes did you wear today?
- brown slippers and pink house slippers.
Have you ever fallen in love with someone you didn't expect to?
- no
Are you a patient person?
- never! I can't stand waiting :(
Is it important to you if your friends like the person your dating?
- if you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends
You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life,what is it?
- water din :)
Does the person you like, like you back?
- thank God
What usually cheers you up?
- sweet nothings.. :)

so I have this need to store my surveys

2009-02-24T04:50:00.000-08:00

1. Why did you stop loving the last person you loved?
? it's hard when the person you love and the one you're with happen to be two different people. nge.
2. Are you usually heartbroken?
? yeah, I'm too sensitive and emotional :(
3. What was the last thing you put in your mouth?
? water
4. What's your current favorite song?
? I Stay in Love - M to the C :)
5. How is life going for you right now?
? ... not my best week :(
6. Regret(s)?
? who doesn't? but I've learned to live with it..
7. What was the first thing you said when you woke up this morning?
? "umalis na yung daddy mo. tawagan mo na lang daw siya" "ah, ok."
8. Do you have A best friend?
? we've been best friends for 15 years. deyum.
9. Have you ever hated someone?
? hate is such a strong word. maybe dislike.. probably allergic haha.
10. Have you liked someone, but ended up hating that person so much?
? no
11. Why?
? I've only liked like 3 guys lin my life and I'm good friends with all of them :)
12. Do you believe in chances?
? yes
13. Will you give a chance to someone, who made a very big mistake in your life?
? I always do! :(
14. What do you think of people who have sex before marriage?
? ewan ko sa kanila pero ako, I will wait until I am married. good luck? haha!
15. Do you own a pair of green pants?
? I have blue, black, white, brown and pink pants :p
16. What are you excited about?
? in 2 months, my batchmates and I can have our OJT na and after that, welcome to the working life hahaha :)
17. Do you believe that what comes around, goes around?
? "part of the fantasy of every betrayed person is that one day, the person who hurt you will come back and answer all of your questions and apologize for hurting you but the thing is, they won't..." - Oprah (daw :p)
18. What is your favorite fruit?
? mmmm mangoes :) I love most fruits and even vegetables.. god, what a boring person
19. Now how's your relationship with your last ex?
? aww, no ex :(
21. Do you miss your ex?
? no one to miss - me too :(
22. Which ex do you miss?
? I don't have an ex nga
23. When is your birthday?
? tuwing umuulan.. wow, my girl?
24. Memorable comment you had?
? I love getting comments.. especially from long lost friends that want to say hi and stuff :P
25. Are you going to search for a new girl/boyfriend now?
? I'm single and satisfied, thank you :) besides, parang wala namang nagbago sa amin ni Poknat eh haha.
26. Do you like someone right now?
? I do.
27. Last person you had YM with?
? Jess, my son :)
28. Last person you texted?
? Christian :)
29. Last person who texted you?
? Si Christian din.. haha!
30. Last person to whom you said, "i love you too"?
? my mother dearest :)
31. Anything you want?
? health and wellbeing of my family and friends. and maybe some chips.
32. Does it hurt when you love someone but they don't love you back?
? I don't know yet
33. How does it feel when you see someone you love happy with somebody else?
? hmmm... I don't want to find out :)
35. How long was your last relationship?
? no last relationship but Christian and I? more than 2 and a half. nge.
36. Can you forget all of the memories about you and your first love?
? we try not to talk about it.. we don't want to hurt each other more than we already have.
37.Do you still think about her/him everyday?
? 1st love? yes.
38. Do you still hope that you can get him/her back to you?
? I know it won't happen
39. Why?
? manuel | -òn fïrè- (5/25/2008 3:28:59 PM): i loved you but when i left i had to let you go
40. Woman/man and replace her/him?
? yeah, Christian is awesome :)
41. How are you feeling?
? lazy as heck.
42. Who are you thinking of at this
moment?
? e-aji chips and dip, please.
43. What do you want to do right now?
? eat, like I always do.
45. What's your wish?
? do the things I have to do and stick to it like glue. yeah.

Do you ever get "good morning" texts from anyone?
- sometimes :(
Who last texted you?
- jayson pabalan
What woke you up this morning?
- I didn't sleep... so...
Dark hair or light hair in the opposite sex?
- dark? haha whatever
What was your dream about last night?
- I always dream about the people that I recently thought about.
How is your hair right now?
- not a very good hair day so it's in a loose, messy bun :)
Do you prefer to call or text?
- depends. I'm more comfortable with talking but you put more effort into texting :p
Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
- ... minsan. ay.
Are you a bad influence?
- no... I'm a killjoy. =D
When was the last time you went shopping?
- February 1? I think I was with Melissa at Festi :)
Did you laugh a lot at something today?
- not yet (what a surprise :p)
What's bothering you right now?
- family, friends, studies, org, OJT... so I think too much :(
What were you doing last night at 11?
- just finished talking to my best friend
Who was the last person you took a picture with?
- the girls at absinth :)
Who can you blame for your bad mood today?
- no one but myself :(
Did you ever waste too much time on a certain boy or girl?
- if you really love your family and friends or that significant other then I don't think that the time you spent is wasted :p
What do you prefer,skittles or starbursts?
- I don't think I've ever had starbursts so skittles :) Maren loves skittles!
How was last night?
- fun-filled! not...
How do you feel right now?
- frustrated, disappointed, tired
Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
- I hope
Are you thinking about someone?
- about Deedin! sa kaniya galing eh :p
Are you a jealous person?
- yes, even with my family and friends :(
Do you currently hate someone?
- nope :) hate is a curved blade.. the harm you do to others, you do to yourself :p
Who was the last person you texted?
- Jayson Pabalan
Have you ever read an entire book in one day?
- yes.. I'm such a bore.
Think a lot before you sleep?
- always do.
Ever dyed your hair?
- just once :)
Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?
- a lot :)
What does the sixteenth text in your inbox say?
- "oi bruha hapi bertdey..." - hazelle
"mas mahal na kita ngayon =)" - Christian
Is your life anything like it was a year ago?
- so much has changed :(
Where will you be in a year from now?
- still here... the man who can't be moved?

Last time u ate MCDO?
- yesterday.. lunch and dinner :) wala kasi akong gana kumain lately so doon lang palagi :)
When was the last time you were truly completely happy with your life?
- now? :) it's good to be loved :) thank you
Have you ever read an entire book in one day?
- yes :) I love reading :)
Does anyone know your password besides you?
- no but they used to..
Last night did you go to sleep smiling?
- no :( I think I cried myself to sleep.. nge. joke lang. tama lang.
Did you have a good day today?
- it's good to be alive.. ay.
What is your current mood?
- I've been better.. but I'm still truly blessed and I'm glad :)
How's your life lately?
- wow thank you for ruining my night with that question :) I've been learning a lot about myself :)
Is there one place you'd like to visit?
- Christian! Vigan tayo! haha :) no seriously, maganda daw dun :)
Have you held hands with anyone today?
- aww no :( galing siyang retreat eh :(
Who did you hang out with last?
- my girlies (Jacque, Samantha and Maren) and boyfies (SamSo and Michael) at Mcdo
Do you miss your past?
- wala naman akong past eh :)
What was the last thing you put into your mouth?
- bastos nito. fruit cocktail.
Did you ever lose a best friend?
- I don't want to think of it that way. I'd rather believe that in time, our lives will fall back into place and things will be just like they were before :(
What are you listening to?
- the tap tap tap of the keys on the keyboard
Who is the last person that made you smile?
- Christian
Is your phone close to you?
- no
What are you doing tomorrow?
- sleep :)
what are your plans dis wkend?
- date with Christian :)
- Are you frustrated?
- YES :( you have no idea! I am frustration in the flesh.
Who last sent you a message on myspace?
- probably some stranger.. I haven't been to that site in months :)
Did you hug anyone today?
- yes :)
Have you ever seen someone you knew & purposely avoided them?
- YES :(
Who's the last person you had a deep conversation with?
- Jess Paningasan :)
Who was the last person you cried in front of?
- my dear parents :(
Would you consider being married/ engaged right now?
- not yet.. in a couple of years
(sabi ni Christian, pag 30 na daw siya.. WHAT)
What is one thing you do before you go to sleep?
- close my eyes :(
Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?
- always do :)
Has someone ever made you a promise & broke it?
- little things.. but no big deal.. well, hindi pa.. sana never :(

to jacque, with much love :)

2009-02-07T23:09:00.000-08:00

She used to be somewhat of a frenemy, but I'm so glad to say that she no longer is because many can say that this beautiful woman is one of the best friends anyone could ever hope to have.

And now that this stage of our life is coming to an abrupt end, I am afraid that this might be one of the last birthdays we can actually spend together because I know that in no time, she'll be so busy taking over the advertising world like she took over the hearts of everyone who has ever had the blessing of knowing someone as intelligent and super funny as her.

Here's to less songs to add to the bitter girls' soundtrack and more DS games, funky shoes and lots and lots of love and laughter...

Happy 19th birthday, Jacqueline Noelle (sorry, couldn't help it :p)

my life in surveys :(

2009-02-05T22:48:00.000-08:00

I’m tired of:
- having second thoughts :(
I am listening to:
- the voices inside my head. be afraid, be very.. no, not really.
Maybe I should:
- study for my exam tomorrow but no.
Chocolate is:
- good but ripe mangoes are better. who do I have to kill to even smell that little piece of heaven? seriously.
I last ate:
- I WISH IT WERE RIPE MANGOES. sweet, juicy, fragrant mangoes. Christ Lord help us all.
Right now I'm craving:
- THANK YOU FOR ASKING
Love is:
- blind. so love me. - john lloyd as popoy imitating james blanco as whatshisname in One More Chance.
tommorow:
- TEST. Have I studied? No, no I have not. Do you have ripe mangoes? No? Okay.
Do you miss someone?:
- Kahit dried mangoes lang &*%#! Haha okay lang :)
Are you wearing chop stick?:
- I used to gather my hair in a bun and fasten it by stabbing a pencil through. Tried to, anyway.
Are you tired?:
- sleep is for the weak.
Are you wearing pajamas:
- enough about me. what about you?
Are you upset?:
- yes :
LASTS:
Last drink?
- water lang
Last phone call?
- with Christian.. aww.
Last time you cried?
- yesterday :(
RANDOM QUESTIONS
Ever laughed until you almost cried?
- I always do.
Is there something you want to tell someone?
- the weird taste in your mouth after you eat sisig at La Casita? it's not just you. you are not alone.
Does it matter to you if your boyfriend/girlfriend smokes?
- yes but I havent had a significant other who smokes (malamang, isa pa lang) so..
Last person you texted:
- Christian
Who is the last person you added to your contacts list in your phone?
- my Tita. But na add ko na pala siya. Nakakainis yun diba? Dalawa pala pangalan niya sa phone mo kaya pag nagtext siya eh number lang lalabas.
Where is your next road trip?
- Batangas daw with my college friends
Where is the person you like at right now?
- Los Banos
What outfit do you have on at this exact moment?
- Hello Kitty t-shirt
How do you feel?
- running out of excuses NOT to study.
When was the last time you talked to your number 1?
- featured friend? last week pa ata yung matagal naming pagtetext :(
Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
- I hate it when it's hot :(
Where did you sleep last night?
- caught between my pillows and blanket
What/who woke you up today?
- my dad knocking on the door
Is there anyone you want to be with right now?
- there are a lot :(

just so I won't forget - survey post :(

2009-01-28T01:51:00.000-08:00

PRE-SCHOOL : montessori children's workshop
1. Ano ang sinasabi mo noong bata ka pa na gusto mong maging paglaki mo?
- little miss philippines
2. Ano ang isang bagay na na-enjoy mong gawin noon?
- bahay-bahayan
3. Bakit?
- bata pa lang, malandi na
4. Anong age ka pumasok sa school?
- 3
5. Sinong bantay mo noon?
- si yaya nene.. pero game na game daw ako pumasok parati
6. Anong pangyayayari ang hindi mo makalimutan?
- nung sinabi ni Teacher Tess na itaas daw namin ang kanang kamay at sinabi ko sa kaniya na ang kanan ng ibang tao eh kaliwa ko. filingera na ko, dati pa.

dinala ko yung storybook ko tapos habang binabasahan kami ni Teacher Tess eh ininterrupt ko siya (mali naman kasi siya talaga) at pinalabas niya ko ng room.. so, ayun.

actually, ang dami ko pang natatandaan! weird! haha

7. Kilala mo pa mga teachers mo?
- di ko matandaan yung pangalang nung nursery, pero junior casa si Teacher Alice at Senior Casa si Teacher Tess and alalay niya (inaway ako nun dati kasi nagkopyahan kami ni Corinne)
8. Iyakin ka ba noon?
- hindi pa

GRADE SCHOOL : holy spirit
10. Sinong principal nyo noon'?
- Ms Clarita Gatchalian
12. May club ka bang sinalihan?
- social pinoy club
13. Maingay ka ba sa klase?
- haha oo, nagtatasa pa kami ng crayons ng mga "kapatid" ko (sila JR, Anielle..)
14. May kinakatakutan ka bang teacher noon?
- Ms. Bagsit?
15. bkit?
- mabagsik eh haha saka pala si Ms. Valdez kasi napagalitan ako nung Grade 2. pero nung grumaduate kami, sinulatan pa niya ko... aww.
16. Pano ka pumupunta sa School?
- service.. si Kuya Rick na tinatawag ni Daddy na Ricky.
17. Marunong ka na bang mag-commute ng panahong ito?
- hindi pa hanggang ngayon
18. Paano ka mag-aral?
- kasabay sa TV saka sa service bago pumasok
19. Mahilig ka bang kumain ng tusok-tusok?
- hindi masyado.. pero dati ang binabayad ko lang sa fishball eh 25 cents, yun pala 50. kung nasaan ka man, kuya.. hindi ko sinasadya :(
20. Responsible ka bang estudyante?
- hindi eh.. lowest ako sa girls sa class nung grade 6

HIGH SCHOOL: Holy Spirit
21. Naging class officer ka b?
- hindi
22.Kumakain ka ba habang nsa klase?
- lagi
23. Tamad ka bang pumasok?
- oo.. may isang year ako, 36 absences. tapos lowest din ako nung 4th year eh 30+ kami nun sa klase.. daig pa ko ng mga boys kasi ZERO ako sa periodical namin sa calculus at 16/120 sa physics. wow.
24. Sinong principal nyo noon?
- sis lourdes (lethal weepon), sis nerissa (the mestiza) and ms. menjo (...)
25.Kilala ka ba nya? Ano tawag nya sa'yo?
- sis lourdes and nerissa - TEREZ (ganun daw pag french, sabi ni sis lourdes. ok.)
ms. menjo - yup, maliit lang high school eh.

COLLEGE: dlsc
26. School mo?
- dlsc
27. Anong course mo?
- bs-ece. oi. abca
28.Naniniwala ka ba na pag college ka na, matatagpuan mo ang true love mo at hindi sa highschool?
- hindi naman dun based yun eh.
29. Embarassing moment?
- sobrang dami.. ayoko na isipin haha.
30. Unforgettable moment?
- hmmm.. wala pa yata? haha. basta kakabagin ka sa kakatawa sa friends ko.
31. Pano gumalaw ang mga tao sa eskwelahan mo?
- lahat ng tao chill lang.
32. Sosyal kba?
- hindi
33. Student number
- 2006074019.. :)

THREE MOST IMPORTANT DATES IN YOUR LIFE:
` january 8 - birthday ko
` january 20, 2008 - most amazing girl in the philippines.. aww :(
` june 6, 2006
.
THREE THINGS YOU'VE DONE IN THE LAST 30 MINUTES:
` answered a survey
` naglaro ng online games
` listened to I Stay in Love
.
THREE WAYS TO BE HAPPY KAHIT SA BAHAY LANG:
` online games pa rin
` kumain lang ng kumain
` kausap si Jess sa telepono (sayang di niya mababasa to)
.
THREE PERSONS YOU MISS FROM YOUR PAST:
' anna mae
` january 20, 2008 (yun na.)
` high school friends
.
THREE GIFTS YOU WOULD LIKE TO RECEIVE:
` unconditional love. nge.
` plane ticket
` beautiful skin
.
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
` laugh at someone else's expense
` window or online shop
` going to the derma
.
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO FOR VACATION:
` ca.. alam na.
` makatapak nga lang ako sa labas ng Luzon, ok na.
` disneyland
.
THREE MALLS YOU USUALLY GO TO:
` pavilion forever
` sm sta.
` counted ba ang paseo??
.
THREE FAVORITE DRINKS:
` water
` minute maid
` fab na mango flavor
.
THREE THINGS FOUND IN YOUR BAG:
` concealer (nagmumukha na kong espasol)
` cellphone
` pagkain
.
THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
` pink in every shade. except maybe lola pink or seizure pink.
` yellow
` green (I never ever thought I'd say that)
.
TOP THREE HANGOUTS:
` bahay ni Jess
` paseo
` sm sta.
.
TOP THREE U LOVE SO MUCH:
` God
` family and friends
` myself (trying to anyway)
`
.
TOP THREE YOU REMEMBERED WHEN U ARE ANSWERING THIS SURVEY
` si diana, yung pinagkuhanan ko ng survey :)
` si anna mae restauro, dahil mahal na mahal ko yun gagang yun
` at si jess paningasan, dahil di kumpleto ang weekend ko pag di kami nakapagusap
.
TOP THREE WHO DO YOU THINK WILL ANSWER THIS SURVEY:
` ikaw
` vernie? haha love you
` not sure
.
TOP THREE "THINGS" SPECIAL TO YOU:
` cellphone siguro
` mga pics and crapbooks
` pillow
.
TOP THREE REASONS YOU ANSWER THIS SURVEY:
` ayoko mag-aral sa medmgmt
` may namimiss ako eh
` self indulgence :p

Will you talk to the person you like on the phone tonight?
- sana..
.
Ever had a near death experience?
- marami eh. too bad.
.
Where’s your cell phone?
- andito sa tabi ng keyboard.
What is the last thing you thought about?
- poknat.
Do you regret anything?
- yep.
If you found out you were pregnant who would you tell?
- pano kaya ako mabubuntis? ano yun milagro? tss.
What are you going to do this weekend?
- absinthe
When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?
- corinne? text lang.
Do you prefer revenge or just pure jealousy/envy?
- tahimik lang.. tapos nangingilid na yung luha. ay. joke lang.
Who would you like your next “fling” to be?
- ayoko ng fling haha
Would you curse in front of your parents?
- yes
What kind of camera do you have?
- canon na point and shoot lang
Would you rather go to a party or out of town?
- kung party, non drinker/smoker naman ako and hindi ako mahilig sa masisikip at maiinit na lugar (especially with strangers) kung out of town naman eh mahiluhin ako. yup, loser haha.
Are you slowly drifting away from someone close?
- hindi slowly. super bilis.
When was the last time you held someone’s hand?
- nung isang araw, holding hands pa kami ni crush (dianne joy) :) aiyee.
Who can you tell everything to?
- di naman ako malihim na tao eh
Can you play guitar hero?
- no. sorry haha
Is any part of your body sore?
- ulo ko. 9 hours sa harap ng monitor tss.
Missing someone right now?
- yes
Is there someone on your mind that shouldn’t be?
- wala naman.. kembot lang.
When was the last time you saw the person you last kissed?
- kagabi? si mommy.
Do you like your phone?
- salagubang green
Last alcoholic beverage?
- tequila sa bahay nila Eryl
Have you ever slept in a bed with the opposite sex?
- na hindi kamaganak? once pa lang.. sa batangas kasi isa lang yung kama.
Have any of your best friends ever back stabbed you?
- oo, nung hindi pa kami friends eh inaaway ako nila ayee :p
If you had to move in with a friend, which one would you pick?
- siguro si corinne kasi burara ako.
What’s the seventh text message in your inbox say?
- "ako din nmn"
When is your next road trip?
- feb 13.. batangas ulit.
What did you do on the weekend?
- campus journalism awards. olats ako haha.
Met anyone new in the past week?
- yes.. mga tao sa taft.
What does your bestfriends call you?
- corinne - bff, tesh, (siya unang tumawag sa akin ng tesh lang. aww.)
jess - motha, kikiam, friend
ayee - baks, beks, kikiam
devs - rizzie, teshang

Is there someone you'd wait forever for?
- it's hard to wait by yourself
Do you ignore people when you're mad/upset with them?
- no :| ayoko ng away eh :(
What do you bite more, your tongue, lip, or cheek?
- lips siguro kaya parating chapped :(
Is it easy to make you smile?
- yeah hehe sorry
Do you like to hold or be held?
- I like to be held.. kahit may ginagawa akong iba, gusto ko may nakapulupot sa akin. napagkakamalan tuloy akong tomboy.
Are you starting to realize anything?
- knowing something is different from doing something about it.. wow.
One thing you're looking forward to?
- cala
Why did you cry the last time you did?
- nagkapikunan kami ni poknat (dahil kay dickie.. ay)
Something you say when you are mad?
- I swear like a sailor
Did you cry at all today?
- yeah
Do you think the last person you kissed is nice?
- my mom is awesome
Have your friends ever randomly stopped by your house?
- yeah.. pero kadalasan ako yung nangaambush kahit natutulog pa yung kaibigan ko :)
Is there any drink that you absolutely MUST drinkcold?
- siguro mga tipong shake. ang labo naman kung tunaw na eh haha
If you could have something rightnow, what would it be?
- publish cala
When was the last time you saw your grandpa?
- last week :) my brother and I like to visit them.. kaya lang sobrang traffic :(
If you' re being extremely quiet what does it mean?
- end of the world na siguro!
Do you like Grease?
- I've never seen it :) some of my friends do though
Does anyone call you babe?
- a lot of people do
Are you afraid of roller coasters?
- medyo! nakakatense kasi eh! overactive pa naman imagination ko, feeling ko madidisgrasya ako
Would you date someone right now if they asked you?
- yes
Where is any place you want to visit?
- makatungtong lang ako sa labas ng Luzon, masaya na ko
Honestly, has anyone ever seen you in your underwear?
- family, friends, mga dormer.. nun milenyo kasi.. ayun haha
When you're walking, do you stop to drink?
- naglalakad habang umiinom kaya lang accident prone ako eh
Would you ever get a tattoo?
- a mermaid!
What was the last thing you ate?
- fried chicken (kutob niyo mahilig ako sa manok?) saka tilapia
Who is the last person you talked to on the phone?
- my mother dearest
Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
- nasa commercial daw ako ng Proactiv.. yung before
What were you up to at 9pm last night?
- online games
Do you have any bruises?
- wala pero madali akong magkapasa
What did you do today?
- online games ulit
Did you mean "I love you" when you said?
- yes
Who last sent you a message?
- friendster - yun sis ni poknat
cellphone - si poknat
What was the first thing you thought this morning?
- si dickie.. poknat kasi eh haha
When was the last time you and an opposite sex hugged?
- jan 20. nung dinalaw ko pa sila lola eh naghug kami ni lolo
Do you have a best friend to lean on?
- di lang basta lean on. minsan dinarasalan ko din siya. milagrosang patrona ng obando a.k.a. corinne :p
How was last night?
- lalong lumabo mata ko kakaonline games
Has someone ever told you they would be with you forever?
- yes
Who will you be with Saturday night?
- my best girls (melissa, samantha, mj, maren, jacque)
Which is better sunrise or sunset?
- depende siguro
Do you miss someone?
- I always do
Do you like being kissed when you are asleep?
- wag lang akong gugulatin..

Paying It Back for Mang Meliton a.k.a "Mang Milton" - Reposted from http://mikersindahawz.multiply.com/

2009-01-12T07:32:00.000-08:00

Meet Meliton Zamora, a retired University of the Philippines janitor and my hero.

For forty-five years, he swept floors, cleaned up trash, watered plants and did odd jobs at the University.

I met him when I was active with the UP Repertory Company, a theater group based (then) at the third floor lobby of the Arts & Sciences (AS) building. He would sweep and mop the hallway floors in silence, venturing only a nod and a smile whenever I passed him.

Back then, for me he was just one of those characters whom you got acquainted with and left behind as soon as you earned your degree and left the university for some big job in the real world. Someone whose name would probably ring a bell but whose face you'd have a hard time picturing. But for many UP students like me who were hard up and had a difficult time paying their tuition fees, Mang Mel was a hero who gave them the opportunity to finish university and get a big job in the real world.

The year was 1993 and I was on my last semester as a Clothing Technology student. My parents had been down on their luck and were struggling to pay for my tuition fee. I had been categorized as Bracket 9 in the recently implemented Socialized Tuiton and Financial Assistance Program (STFAP). My father had lost his job and to supplement my allowance, I worked part time as a Guest Relations Officer at Sam's Diner (back when the term GRO didn't have shady undertones) and took some odd jobs as a Production Assistant, movie extra and wardrobe mistress.

To be eligible for graduation, I had to enroll in my last three courses and pay my tuition fee. Since my parents didn't have enough money for my matriculation, I applied for a student loan hoping that my one of my Home Economics (HE) professors would take pity on me and sign on as a guarantor for the student loan. But those whom I approached either refused or were not eligible as guarantors. After two unsuccessful weeks of looking for a guarantor, my prospects looked dim, my future dark. And so, there I was, a downtrodden twenty year old with a foggy future, crying in the AS lobby. I only had twenty four hours left to look for a guarantor.

Mang Mel, with a mop in hand, approached me and asked me why I was crying. I told him I had no guarantor for my student loan and will probably not be able to enroll this semester. I had no hopes that he would be able to help me. After all, he was just a janitor. He borrowed my loan application papers and said softly, "Puwede ako pumirma. Empleyado ako ng UP." He borrowed my pen and signed his name. With his simple act of faith, Mang Mel not only saved my day, he also saved my future.

I paid my student loan the summer after that fateful day with Mang Milton and it has been 15 years since then. I am not filthy rich but I do have a good job in the real world that allows me to support my family and eat three meals a day. A few weeks ago, a friend and UP Professor, Daki, told me that Mang Mel recently recorded an album which he sells to supplement his meager retirement pay, I asked another friend, Blaise, who's taking his Master's degree at UP to find out how we could contact Mang Mel. My gesture of gratitude for Mang Mel's altruism has been long overdue. As fate would have it, my friend saw Mang Mel coming out of the shrubbery from behind the UP library, carrying firewood. He got Mang Mel's address and promised him that we would come over to buy his album.

Together with Blaise and my husband Augie, I went to pay Mang Mel a visit last Sunday. Unfortunately, he was out doing a little sideline gardening for a UP professor in Tandang Sora. We were welcomed into their home by his daughter Kit. As she pointed out to a laminated photo of Mang Mel on the wall, she proudly told us that her father did retire with recognition from the University. However, she sadly related to us that many of the students whose loans Mang Mel guaranteed neglected to settle their student loans. After forty-five years of service to the University, Mang Mel was only attributed 171 days of work for his retirement pay because all the unpaid student loans were deducted from his full retirement pay of about 675 days. This seems to me a cruel repayment for his kindness.

This is a cybercall to anyone who did not get to pay their student loans that were guaranteed by Mang Mel. Anytime would be a good time to show Mang Mel your gratitude.

Mang Mel is not asking for a dole out, though I know he will be thankful for any assistance you can give. So I ask those of you who also benefited from Mang Meliton's goodness or for those who simply wish to share your blessings, please do visit Mang Mel and buy his CD (P350 only) at No. 16-A, Block 1, Pook Ricarte, U.P. Campus, Diliman, Quezon City (behind UP International House) or contact his daughter Kit V. Zamora at 0916-4058104.

OUCH.

2009-01-11T08:33:00.000-08:00

"Dearest Andrea, " I wrote. "Let me start by saying what you've told me to stop saying. I love you.

"At times, I've grown to hate you. you're selfish, and you're weak. You left because it was easier for you. It was what your parents wanted. You had more opportunities there. Your family would be there. Life is better there. And it is. but how could you leave when you promised me that you'd always love me? And how the hell are you supposed to do that from halfway around the world?

"You were supposed to make the more difficult choice. That's what people in love do. But you couldn't, selfish as you were, and I let you go because I knew that's what you needed to do.

"Now you're just being unfair, telling me to stop saying I love you when that's the only real thing I know nowadays. You tell me we're friends and then tell me that you met someone, as if that isn't supposed to affect me. Well, buddy, you ripped my heart out with your little piece of news. But hey, you always do that.

"Meanwhile, what am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to say that I'm happy for you? I'm happy that you've forgotten me and moved on?

"Yet still I love you. Can you please tell me why? I pine away for you in the middle of the night. I think of you all the time when God knows I should be working. There's always too much work to do any given day. My friends (our friends who you left as well) tell me I'm being pathetic. If it's true-and it probably is-it's because I love you.

"Fair's fair. You've met someone. I've met someone too. There's this girl at work, Cat, who's absolutely beautiful and my best friend of late. There's real magic there. And then there's this girl, Ruby, who I've been crazy about ever since puberty. She suddenly materialized back into my life, and I'd be a fool not to give it a go.

"But Cat and I can't be anything more than friends because we work together, and Ruby and I are doomed to have a few dates that will never amount to anything (at best, a fling perhaps) because I'd be lying to someone if I told either of them that we could be anything more than what we are now. Because you're still the one I love. And I hate you for it. -Vince"

Excerpt taken from Vince's Life: The Next Chapter - Getting over Andrea

frustrated, disappointed and downright miserable but still thankful

2008-12-21T01:47:00.000-08:00

following a HORRIBLE end to a HORRIBLE sem (save for my AMAZING friends* :p), I went on a roadtrip to Nasugbu, Batangas with Christian and his friends (and their respective significant others) :)

and what would this post be without a snapshot**?

* 'wag na mag-atubili, hindi pa huli para mamili ng regalo para sa akin :)
** my friend and I just happened to notice that the experiences of the generation that we belong to are deemed meaningless, or at the very least incomplete without pictures to validate it :p

It seems like with every activity, be it mundane or out of the ordinary, the first concern always has something to do with the camera.

Overheard at a museum with people from different countries appreciating works of art...

American: Awesome!
French: Merveilleux!
Spanish: Estupendo!
Italian: Magnifico!

Filipino: Picture! Picture! Dali! Pang-friendster! :)

para lang masabing nakapag-blog ako :)

2008-12-11T01:08:00.000-08:00

1. Have you ever gone out with a soccer/basketball/tennis player?
- yes :)
.
2. Last person to make you smile
- our Radio-TV Prod Travelogue :D MUY PELIGROSO! Hahaha
.
3. Feel like talking to someone that you haven't in a while?
- yes, I really miss some of my high school friends :)
.
4. Are you mad at the last person who called you?
- of course not :) in fact I am very grateful kasi he helped us secure the location for our Vid Prod class
.
5. What gets in your way of your sleeping?
- too much thinking :) (you know when you're so tired but you can't go to sleep? no? okay)
.
6. Where are you going to be at 4:00pm tomorrow?
- my "exam" tom is only from 1 to 3 so hopefully, at home and studying for Intreco
.
7. What are some things you miss about your past?
- not really things but people. and also, the opportunity to sleep. oh, how I miss sleep.
.
8. Who are the third and seventh texts (inbox) in your phone from?
- Poknat pareho :)
.
9. Why is your relationship status the way it is?
- kasi may nagkamali na sa wakas, oh yeah :)
.
10. What song are you currently listening to?
- wala eh :) if I had a choice I want to listen to Twisted by Keith Sweat ahaha :)
.
11. If you caught a significant other cheating on you what would you do?
- I think I would die haha
.
12. What's the last TV show you watched?
- Malcom in the Middle.. another all-time favorite show :) I had such a crush on Malcom and I've always hated Hayden lulz.
.
13. Is there anyone that you wish was out of your life?
- hmmm... be careful what you wish for cause you just might get it :)
.
14. When was the last time you knew someone lied to you? Who was it who lied?
- I instinctively know when someone is lying to me so I can't specify when the last time was kasi madalas nagyayari. But most likely it's about schoolwork and responsibilities. Ehem.
.
15. What is the earliest you woke up this week?
- 7 am?
.
16. Do you like loud music?
- it really depends kasi on the song and my mood :)
.
17. Do you have a hard time putting up with pessimists?
- I'm pretty socially inept so I have a hard time dealing with a lot of people hehe sorry :(
.
18. Is love really a losing game?
- it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah
.
19. Are you in love?
- Yes
.
20. Is math difficult or easy for you?
- I'm too pretty to do Math. and I only say this because I suck.
.
21. Do you ask a lot of questions in class?
- not really.. kasi palasagot na nga ako, palatanong pa? baka magalit na sila..
.
22. Who do you blame for your bad mood today?
- rude, inconsiderate people. not to mention, my HORRIBLE grades this term.
.
23. Are you friends with more boys or girls?
- gels.
.
25. Tell me about a funny conversation you had today.
- sobrang dami. hindi mauubusan niyan sa school haha :)
.
26. What was the highlight of your week?
- ... going to the derma? what a pathetic life, right?
.
27. Did anything special happen yesterday?
- natapos na namin yung shooting sa restaurant and hospital :)
.
28. What were you wearing the last time you saw the one you used to love?
- let's not go there. oh, who am I kidding? that was June 24, 2005 (3 years and 6 months na!) and I was wearing my CAT uniform :)(read: beret, shirt, garrison belt and black slacks with leather shoes)

I refuse to be bothered with the burden of transitions

2008-12-09T07:23:00.000-08:00

So today I was having lunch with two of my best girlies, Maren and Melissa.
I casually mentioned that I used to hang out at *toot* a lot to avoid a certain someone.
Maren started teasing me that I was just using it as an excuse to be with one of the two boys (BOY A) that lived there. Melissa joined in on the fun and teased me about the other boy (BOY B).

I believe that we shouldn't explain ourselves.
If people don't want to believe us, nothing that we say or do will convince them.
On the other hand, if people do want to believe us, they will with no questions asked.
Sadly, I cannot put this theory into practice because I always try to defend myself.

I never liked that certain someone. Hello? I never even talked to him!
And I definitely didn't even come close to liking either or both of the boys.
I have to admit though that I thought another guy was super cute.

Here's how that part of the conversation went:
T: Ang crush ko talaga si *toot*
Maren: Sino?
T: Si *toot*
Melissa: Ahh, isn't he *STARTS DESCRIBING HIM IN DETAIL EVEN AFTER I BEG AND EVENTUALLY, THREATEN HER NOT TO*
T: *dies*
Melissa: Wait, you like short guys!

Christian is offended by this insinuation and has felt compelled to defend his honor, saying, "Pakisabi sa kanila, HEIGHT LANG ANG MALIIT SA AKIN."

... Malaki din ang tiyan mo, bubba. :)

19 days 16 hours and 30 minutes before Christmas

2008-12-05T03:53:00.000-08:00

THINGS I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO

FIVE
The 7th Heaven Marathon on Studio 23

I can't say that I'm a fan of the series but I've been watching it for years so I guess it's turned into some sort of a tradition.

I really am the type of person who would put up with something (occasionally someONE) even if I don't necessarily like it (or HIM or HER) because I'm used to it. Suffice it to say that I am sentimental and non-confrontational, but mostly lazy with a capital C for CAN'T BE BOTHERED. Why can't we all just get along?

Anyway, bottom line is I just remembered that The 7th Heaven Marathon happens on Holy Week so yea, I'm an idiot. *forehead to desk*

NEW FIVE

Being able to tick the boxes next to my CHRIST-MUSTS WISH LIST off!

Well probably not this particular planner because I can't actually afford it unless I hold up cardboard signs that read "WILL MICROWAVE ANYTHING (it's the only skill I have) FOR MONEY".

FOUR

MAKING MY OWN SHREDDED TOP

There's this 15 year-old blogger from the U.S. who wrote a D.I.Y. tutorial that I may likely follow if I find a shirt to experiment on. Please look forward to seeing my brassiere peeking through my shirt in a month or so.

THREE

SPENDING SOME TIME WITH THE LOVER

I just want to trap him in a room, rip his clothes off and take advantage of him against his will. Is that too much to ask? If you want to say yes, please hit the floor and give me thirty sit-ups in under ten counts as you cite three examples of symptoms that suggest prevalence of post-traumatic stress disorder. Bonus: What is the numerical equivalent of my middle name raised to the 23rd power divided by one-tenth of 981?

TWO
SPEND TIME WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS

ONE

... renew my relationship with the Man upstairs maybe :(

songs for the shower

2008-12-01T18:06:00.000-08:00

FIVE

I finished crying in the instant that you left
And I can't remember where or when or how
And I banished every memory you and I had ever *takes deep breath* MAAAAAAAAADE!

It's All Coming Back to Me Now - Celine Dion

FOUR

Will you hose me down with holy water, if I get too hot?

I Will Do Anything for Love - Meatloaf

THREE

Who else am I gon' lean on when times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me on the phone 'til the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place there ain't nobody better
Oh, baby baby, we belong together, baby!

We Belong Together - Mariah Carey

Has anybody ever noticed how her state of mental health is reflected in many of her popular, not to mention catchy tunes?

Take for example the following cases:

Oh darling, you know you can't escape me (desperada)

I had a vision of love and it was all that you've given to me (ilusyonada)

I bet she can't do like me
She'll never be MC (ambisyosa)

TOUCH MY BODY!! (retokada)

No, I'm just kidding. Everybody knows I love me some Mimi :)

TWO

But since you been gone
I can breathe for the first time

Since U Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson

ONE

First I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live...

I don't even have to continue cause everybody knows the rest of the lyrics :)

I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor

All I want for Christmas

2008-12-01T01:17:00.001-08:00

FIVE

A simple checkered button-down shirt that looks like it could belong to a guy.

FOUR

I know that this is so 5 years ago but I could really use an iPod!

THREE

What can I say? I've always loved books but could never afford it... see? Even my bookstore of choice spells CHEAP.

TWO

I am so silly but I really want falsies :)

ONE

Need I say more? I'm really into the "sporty" look right now - think over-sized soccer jerseys and chunky, colorful kicks.

Message in a Bottle

2008-11-29T20:49:00.000-08:00

June 6, 2006
Naglalaro siya ng basketball pero tumigil siya para alukin ako ng payong. Tinanggihan ko dahil hindi ko naman siya kilala.

June 19, 2006
Tumawag siya sa cellphone ko at tinext ko siya ng "At sino ka naman?" Hindi siya nagreply. (Natakot siguro.)

July 6, 2006
Nakasalubong ko siya sa La Casita at tinanong niya ako kung pwede kami maging textmates. Nabigla na lang ako dahil meron na siyang number ko.

August 2, 2006

Tinanong niya ako kung pwede ba daw kami mag-date sa Linggo, August 6. Tumanggi ako dahil manonood ako ng Mall Show ni Christian Bautista sa August 5 :p

August 31, 2006

Sinabi niya sa akin na lilipat na daw siya ng school. Binigyan niya ako ng isang supot ng Curly Tops at isang rosaryo. Nag-picture kami sa tapat ng Registrar dahil araw iyon ng Course Card Distribution.

October, 2006

Nag-sit in siya sa Intrcom class namin at kinuhanan niya ng picture ang magkahawak naming kamay. Napailing na lang ako dahil na-realize ko na ... mahal ko na pala siya. (Aray.)

December 19, 2006

Nangolekta siya ng mga laruang oso (teddy bear? hahaha) na kasama ng McDonald's Happy Meal para ibigay sa akin nung Pasko. Nagtagumpay na siya sa balak na paiyakin ako.

February 5, 2007

First kiss?? Ahahaha!

Marami pang ibang nangyari pero hindi ko makakalimutan noong huling birthday ko...

January 8, 2008

Tinupad niya ang pangarap kong makatanggap ng mga sulat mula sa Post Office :)

December 2008
COMING SOON =)

2008-04-10T08:02:00.000-07:00

In elementary, my godfather gave me a set of children's books for Christmas. The package included such classics as "Around the World in 80 Days", "Kidnapped", "Waterbabies" and my all-time favorite, "Anne of Green Gables".

Following her parents' demise when she was only a year old, the 11 year-old heroine Anne was passed around from relative to relative as a nanny and household help of sorts before being placed in an orphanage. Taking all this into consideration, you would think that she had every right in the world to be bitter and resentful but she was anything but. I admired this positive attitude and work ethic (she took full responsibility over her chores and was a brilliant, motivated student), related to being considered "odd" by many, and dreamed about being in the place that she was in, both literally and figuratively.

As a child raised in front of the actual highway, I long for the sweet little house with a garden full of trees and flowers in a small community that she was adopted into. I wish that I could be as loving and lovable as she is to the people that know her and hope that one day, I could be half as awesome as I found her to be.

Introducing this character gives me the opportunity to compare older works with female central leads to the standards of what Chicklit is today and illustrate how establishing an emotional connection is essential to the success of a book of any genre, even Whodunnit.

I will reluctantly admit that buying copy after copy of novels that fall under the Chicklit category is only one in a string of bad habits (not paying attention, talking too loud and for too long, flirting shamelessly, holding in my pee, raiding the refrigerator at ungodly hours, only to mention a few) that I happen to have. Among my favorites are Lille Bose's Una and Miguel (I remember gushing to her about it which prompted her to post about it in her blog :p), The Break up Diaries and Vince's Life by Maya Calica and Vince Teves, respectively.

In my opinion, Chicklit is not really as different from Anne of Green Gables or even Little Women and Pride and Prejudice, etc. as it may seem. Montgomery, Alcott and Austen all wrote about women who may not necessarily lead charmed lives but were charming nonetheless because of how they chose to defy societal expectations (even within their family) and remain true to themselves, all with such grace and spunk that we feel we can relate to or at least be jealous of.

I mean, think about it: doesn't Karen's decision to invest in her own apartment, take massive risks outside of her comfort zone and make drastic changes and even sacrifices that eventually pay off in an ending that calls for a victorious soundtrack (think Aretha Franklin's RESPECT or something by Queen, perhaps?) sound familiar?

This may all just make perfect sense in my sorry excuse for a brain but while Chicklit leaves the impression of being very modern (in more ways than one) and relevant in today's society, the Classics actually also were because they were remarkably ahead of their time. The latter advocated self-actualization and independence at times when women were commonly considered beasts of burden. Anne pursued higher education and moved away from her family to accept a job as a high school principal, Jo was hardly the embodiment of what a woman is supposed to be and even less apologetic of the fact in Little Women and Pride and Prejudice's Elizabeth did not throw herself at the feet of the rich bachelor that made advances toward her (much to the disgust of her mother that was desperate to make good matches for her daughters).

I am not trying to belittle the many merits of this type of literature by pointing out the similarities that I have noticed. The universal themes expressed by such young voices (that sound like the people we watch on television, know personally or even ourselves) through interesting characters that are nowhere near perfect but are surprisingly mostly okay with it and cope very well and move so familiarly in a setting that doesn't sound foreign in our ears is what I appreciate the best about Chicklit.

These people do not belong to the perfect kind that seem to exist only in toothpaste commercials. They represent you and the rest of the people you know and love and share the same human vulnerability that we can't help but empathize with them so passionately.

Speaking of which, as a Whodunnit or crime novel, Smaller and Smaller Circles doesn't actually do much for me because I was expecting it to be a gripping page turner that kept me on the edge of my seat with twists and turns reminiscent of Zigzag Road and a shocking spoiler that will stop me from putting down the book to do anything else. However, much to some of my friends' dismay as a psychological thriller, it was more of the former.

Thankfully, the plot was well mapped out, the writing was air tight (like a virgin) and everyone from Saenz to the deceased boys' mothers had three-dimensional personalities that honestly appealed to me. More "psychological" than it is "thriller", Batacan paints a picture of the oppressive life in the slums with the vicious cycle of poverty, frustratingly inefficient system and dynamics of human nature with a contrasting but complementing choice of vibrant and somber colors. She brushes on characteristics and nuances with thick, deliberate strokes that fall subtly but with great impact layer over layer, presenting us with a masterpiece so beautifully phrased and intricately detailed you can almost see the blood, sweat and tears on the pages. Instead, what you are faced with is harsh but inescapable reality that only emphasizes the good, the bad and occasional ugly sides of our existence.

Not surprisingly, the part of the story that struck (and depressed) me the most was when the backgrounds of the mothers of the identified victims were given. Sometimes, people conveniently forget that the poor have more concerns than finding something to eat. It's one thing to be hurt or helpless with food digesting merrily in the depths of your body, clothes on your pretty little back with nary a worry about the future and quite another to feel so freaking trapped and drowning but not having the voice to scream for help - not that anyone can hear anything over the growling pangs of hunger coming from their stomachs.

2008-03-01T20:12:00.000-08:00

When I first read the Ninotchka Rosca's Generations, I have to say that while I do not agree with the girl's decisions, I admire her guts.

I would like to clarify that I was appalled by her actions because I am a pacifist and I do believe that violence is never the answer and it cannot resolve anything, especially when the result of such rage is any fatality (not to mention if the victim is a member of your family). However, I still thought that it was brave of her to bail her father out at the expense of her integrity and reclaim it when her father didn't even seem to acknowledge that sacrifice. I personally don't have the balls to fight for something that I want or strike back when I am treated poorly.

However, upon discussing the story in class, I began to wonder if she really was as "fierce" as she seemed. I thought about the mother in one of the other stories we read that was called Magnificence. She did not scream at the top of her lungs and go on a rampage but she did not just let the unmentionable happen without defending her daughter either. Her movement was a balance between not doing anything and taking it to far. Perhaps that is the essence and embodiment of true strength and that is CONTROL.

The girl may have been able to put her self-interest aside for the sake of her father's well-being and her mother's peace of mind but she snapped when her father took that gesture for granted. I know that I can't blame her because her father wasn't exactly a good man because he beat their mother and then let her take the fall for him but that doesn't justify what she did. It's all about learning how to deal with your emotions and never letting it get in the way of rational thought.

Coming from someone who has the habit of falling head over heels flat in her face, but I digress. :)

I've always secretly known that you love me too

2008-02-28T18:16:00.000-08:00

but it won't matter unless I hear it straight from you.

More than 4 years ago, I developed a huge crush on this hopeful on a televised Singing Contest Series. Maybe it was his perfectly chiseled face with such foreign features (think high cheekbones, strong nose and cleft chin to boot!) and towering 5'11 frame, but I really think it was that hot bittersweet chocolate fudge melting over a scoop of vanilla ice cream singing voice that got to me. At the risk of sounding like such a fool, I remember closing my eyes and pretending that he was serenading me.

Even as a 14 year-old girl, in my head, I already had a vision of what a perfect man would be and he embodied it to a tee - or so I had idealized him to be, and idealize him I did. I spent night after night lying in bed, alternately counting the impertinent cracks on my whitewashed ceiling and thinking about all the things that
made him the wonder that he is. I would fall asleep with his name on my lips and wake
up with a vague recollection of innocent dreams that usually played out to a soundtrack of the best romantic movies ever made.

From virtue of experience (otherwise known as watching Oprah everyday), I understand that when someone has an eating disorder or an unhealthy addiction, it is NOT just a problem with too little or too much food intake or a dependence on controlled substances. These people control their eating habits obsessively because they feel like they have no power or cannot control anything else in their lives or become a slave to over consumption of food, drink, drugs or alcohol to cover something that they feel is damaged or simply wrong about themselves and/or because they feel like they have no other place of comfort and refuge.

In the same way, I felt I was trapped in a pseudo-relationship I didn't have a say over and I dealt with it by distracting myself with a stupid obsession. I put him high up on a pedestal, set such an impossible standard and had many baseless expectations because I wanted him to be anything BUT the friend I was talking about. In short, I was heading towards disappointment to begin with even before I met (and eventually became friends with) him.

Don't get me wrong, he's amazing as he is. He's just not the guy I wanted him to be. It's like hanging out with your cousins and stumbling upon a movie poster that they cannot stop raving about. They insist on talking about it like it's the best thing that has ever been put to film and revere it like it's God's gift to the people or something. Scratch that, they revere it like it is a manifestation of a God itself and we should promptly bow down to worship the damn movie. Because it's pretty much all you can hear about for the next, I don't know, 5, 6 or 27 hours, you understandably become curious and look it up on the internet and find nothing but glowing reviews from the toughest critics. Upon watching the trailer hosted on Youtube and reading one plot synopsis to another, you are hypnotized into the craze. Another live one caught hook, line and freaking sinker.

So without further hesitation (or a hint of sanity) you immediately drag someone to watch it with you, curse the incessant Manila traffic under your breath and run like your life depends on it to the ticket booth, tap impatiently for the lady behind the counter to finish ringing up your bills, all the while thinking " MAN! This girl is soooo slow! Does she really have to take 3 seconds to take my money, give me change and give me my precious tickets?! 3 seconds!" and finally running towards the theater itself to spend the longest 5 minutes of your life watching "Next Picture" teasers. After all the madness and against all sense of reason, the movie just.. doesn't do it for you.

Sure, it was great but you were expecting fireworks in the sky or at the very least that moment that you feel compelled by an unseen force to cry or at least exclaim "whoa!". Maybe it was great for someone else but then you realize that at the end of the day, it wasn't for you. And the sad part is, there's no actual explanation as to why it isn't. It simply just isn't.

We build castles in the air with bricks of dreams and details of hope with rose-colored glasses perched on our noses and then out of nowhere, a sharp object pokes the bubbles away and we are faced with a simple but important choice: do we live with a lie in a world of make-believe or understand that we can still rebuild?

It's your choice to make but remember that not all of our dreams can come true, but maybe something better is on its way to you. :)

Under the Surface

2008-02-16T22:17:00.000-08:00

When I was about 8 or 9, someone very close to me called to confide that their house boy attempted to rape her. Once we told her guardians (her mother left for the United States about a year before the incident) about it, they lost no time in filing a case against the bastard while the two of us just lay in bed, crying in each other's arms.

They say that molestation is the abuser's attempt to gain control but in the process I feel that so much of the victim's self-respect and esteem is attempted to be taken away. I say attempted because nobody can hurt and keep on hurting you unless you allow them to.

For example, the person that I'm talking about is all grown up now and understands that her past doesn't make her any less of the strong and beautiful woman that she is. A factor that contributed greatly to her recovery was the unconditional and relentless support from her loved ones. Much like in Magnificence by Estrella Alfon, more than any aggression or violence against the jerk, it was the comforting company and quiet sympathy of the people around her that helped her move on from the misfortune.

The lead character in Games by Noelle de Jesus insists on taking on different names and personalities when calling her boy up at his work place. Doing so shows that she is reluctant to open up and show who she really is because she thinks that just being herself is not good enough to keep him happy.

She makes up names with corresponding physical features and personal characteristics as a wall to give her a sense of control in the relationship. The imaginary women serve as a wall to keep him at an arm's length away, a safe distance that prevents him from sensing her vulnerability to pain.

But when you try not to get emotionally attached or tangibly committed to something or someone so as not to get hurt, the effort itself shows that the thing or person that you are avoiding matters enough for you to think that it can hurt you. And the thing is, as much as I want to reassure you, nothing is ever for certain. Planes crash into buildings, crap falls from the sky and sometimes, even when you least expect it love breaks down.

No matter how hard we work to make sure that we don't put ourselves in a position to be used and abused, it can still happen. The least we can do is just love as much as we possibly can so at the end, we have no regrets that we didn't give as much as we could because what's worse than burned and bruised is knowing that there could have been something that we could do to keep it together.

Of course, that's easy for me to say but not always to practice. Sometimes when you like somebody so much it's hard not to compare yourself to anybody else like the song that goes:

Suddenly I'm back at the core
Thinking of her who had you before
Were you as good
As good as we are
Do you remember?
Did you love her the way you love me?
Is there a chance that there might be
traces of her that you carry
under the surface?

You know it's silly and stupid and you should know better but you never really do. I guess the thing is, there will always be that element of doubt, the "What if he uses me?", "What if he leaves me?", "What if I'm just not pretty/sexy/insert complimentary adjective here enough?" and what have you but like I tried to state earlier, it's all a matter of how you deal with it. So you're not as flawless as you would like to be, but face it, who is? Accept the reality that we all have our you own little faults and it's no big deal. What's more, as hard as it may be for you to believe, IF YOU LET THEM, someone can love you, just the way you are (imperfections and all).

Edit: so I just realized I had to compare canon and contemporary writers so here goes nothing. Off the bat, what I really noticed is that while the former talk at length about the person and his place in the society, contemporary writers often just write about the insecurity that lies within. I think this quote from the movie (not the book, but the screen play for it) Fight Club sums up modern short stories well:

We have no Great War, no Great Depression. Our great war is a spiritual war. Our great depression is our lives.

cheeseballs :)

2008-02-09T01:04:00.000-08:00

in one of my favorite movies, Close to You (starring John Lloyd Cruz, Bea Alonzo and Sam "I Never.." Milby), Alonzo's character Marian was hopelessly infatuated with her childhood sweetheart Lance (played by Milby) who is now the vocalist of a famous international band based in Singapore. As soon as Marian found out will go on a tour, she immediately dragged Cruz who is in the movie as Manuel, her best friend on a wild goose chase across the 7,107 islands of the Philippine archipelago to ~~hunt down~~ meet Milby again.

when they do meet, Milby returns Alonzo's affection and they live happily ever after.. just kidding. Of course, what would a Filipino feature film be without the ~~song and dance number~~ predetermined conflict? Cruz is (gasp!) in love with Alonzo and now the latter is (in the words of her sister named Abby in the flick) torn between a habit and a dream

like Alonzo, Tinang and Pilar (from the short stories entitled Love in The Cornhusks and The Corral by Rivera-Ford and Tiempo, respectively) both had a decision to make. Now I know you might argue that they were both trapped in a situation that they had no control over but I beg to disagree. Even if the choices that they made were not the choices that they had originally planned on making and were not the ones that truly made them happy, at the end of the day, they had a choice.

Almost 5 years ago, I fell in love with this guy I was friends with. He was a batch ahead but we were always together anyway and when we weren't, we would be texting each other silly things like "I am bored. Entertain me with your antics." or "I'd rather strip down to my birthday suit, roll in a tub of boiling honey and venture bravely toward a pool of fire red ants than go to our family reunion."

It felt good to find somebody I could watch television and movies with and enjoyed reading books too. We could talk about everything so easily and would finish each other's sentences occasionally but we never knew what to expect of each other because despite the things we have in common, we were two very different people.

I know it sounds like a dream come true for me but it actually wasn't because we were JUST. FRIENDS. In my heart, I knew that he liked me too but at the same time, I had a hard time believing that he did because he never went right out and said it so I didn't, too.

However, a few months short of his graduation, we didn't text each other as much and eventually, we stopped going out. I missed him so much I admitted my feelings and he replied with "friends", saying I'd understand in time (but I knew I wouldn't and I was right.).

The frequency of our messages dwindled even more until he texted me the song "Sleeps with Butterflies" which goes:

You say the word
You know I will find you
Or if you need some time
I don't mind
I don't hold on
To the tail of your kite

but I didn't read into it because I figured he just remembered I liked butterflies.

Next thing I knew a teacher asked how I felt about the fact that he was leaving for Canada and then he left the very next week after visiting my school. Although I knew that I had to give myself time to heal before being friends with him again, I couldn't stop keeping in touch with him when he got there. I only stopped being in contact when I met Christian and I decided that it was unfair to both of us. Recently however, he read THIS BLOG ENTRY and felt so bad that this conversation took place (edited some conversation that took place in between the important points to emphasize):

Therese: almost makes up for the fact that i am a freak of nature

manuel | -òn fïrè-: a freak who can get a guy to airmail 18 bday cards to her on her birthday. must be some special freak that one

manuel | -òn fïrè-: youre just about the only one i ever got along with back there

Therese: if we got along so well how come we stopped talking when you graduated and next thing i knew you were leaving na

manuel | -òn fïrè: cause i couldnt tell you that i had to leave

manuel | -òn fïrè: ill admit it i liked you a lot back then

manuel | -òn fïrè: i didnt want you to put your hope in someone who was gonna leave in three months

manuel | -òn fïrè-: it was less painful that way

manuel | -òn fïrè-: youre always gonna be the "most amazing girl in the phils" i keep talking about here

Like Tinang, whose letter came a BABY too late, this confession was long overdue and like Amado's letter who NEVER ONCE said when he would come back, my first love said I liked (not loved, take note) you a lot BACK THEN. So while our choice wasn't initially the one that we wanted, in my case it turned out to be for the best so maybe it will be better for Tinang as well.

In the same way, like Pilar who is undeniably attracted to Gregorio but settles for Mr. Perfecto, I didn't think that he noticed me either so I said hey, it's time for me to say bye bye now and moved on and found something greater than I ever expected or hoped to deserve.

and I'm beginning to understand another thing these girls and I have in common. I forgave him but I blamed myself. I really thought that he just wanted to be friends because I was damaged goods.

The biggest lesson that I had to learn was that in spite of my (many) imperfections and shortcomings, I AM GOOD ENOUGH. It wasn't my fault that it didn't work out and I OWE it to myself to make myself happy :)

LitFili Blog No. 3

2008-02-02T22:42:00.000-08:00

&&; apparently this lay-out does not let anyone comment on the entries :( if you have anything to say for LitFili, please leave me a note on the Chat Box while I look for a new skin :) thanks guys!

If you had the chance to catch the discussion on the story "Bread of Salt" by N.V.M. Gonzalez that I facilitated, or more appropriately manipulated last Tuesday, I would like to apologize for not being able to shut up.

It has a relatively simple and easy to follow plot but I had to go through it two more times to be able to read between the lines and capture the essence of the story because like I said, everything about a short story, from its title to the setting, even the character's slightest movements means something. The author is attempting to express many things in as few words as possible.

For example, the buying of pandesal in this story is not just a mundane daily task, it represents how the boy takes such great pride in what he thinks is a huge responsibility. Each one of his thoughts and actions, including planning to sneak a love letter in his crush's Algebra book and daydreaming about her acknowledging the effort he has painstakingly put in his studies, sports and playing the violin, was meant for the audience to relate to the character.

Even if you have never liked anyone so much that he or she is perfect (or at the very least, dangerously close) in your eyes so you feel compelled to live up to the imaginary standard you have set so that you can be "enough" for this person, I think most of us have been in a situation wherein we want something so bad and we put our heart and soul into getting it until we realize that it wasn't worth it after all.

Think about it. Maybe it was literally that boy who played soccer with your brother that you vowed on impressing with your vast knowledge of the sport (never mind that you have never played and it makes as much sense to you as frequency distribution tables in Statistics or an alien language) or that Bianca that you stayed up late at night NOT talking to on the phone but studying for the impending Biology exam so she can copy your answers with ease. Or perhaps it was that pair of shoes/Ibanez FR1620 Electronic Guitar/shoes that you spent months and months basically being a slave to your family and friends' demands to earn money for, that was not as good or as rewarding as you had expected.

In the end, at the risk of sounding cheesy and waxing philosophical, we are but dough, painfully cut and kneaded before being thrust into the heavy fire to be able to feed and nourish others.

Summer Solstice by Nick Joaquin is an easy favorite.

It's a shame that most (perhaps all, some can argue) men do not acknowledge and appreciate a woman's beauty and worth because it makes the women neglect it themselves. I personally believe that women are more powerful than they are given credit for and deep down, men are aware of this which is why some of them go on a power trip to reassert their authority and dominance by repressing the woman's true strength and ability.

I think that the way some women feel about themselves is similar to how the boy in the first story feels. Maybe like the boy, some women feel self-conscious and insecure about themselves and they try to cover this up by working on being the best that they can possibly be to fit into the non-existent perfect mold and please others. However, it won't work until the boy and those said women recognize their inherent value and realize that they are meant to be adored.

"ang haligi ng tahanan"

2008-01-27T19:54:00.000-08:00

I am speaking from experience when I say that the men, particularly the husband, the father, or the eldest born son (in the absence of the first two) always serve as the head of the household.

In colloquial terms, they are referred to as "haligi ng tahanan", the wall that serves as the foundation, the cornerstone upon which the rest of the members of the family lean on for support. Even as children, boys are aware of this responsibility and perhaps this is why they feel compelled to appear "astig" or "macho". The slightest sign of sensitivity like showing too much emotion or being too affected by events are considered as signs of weaknesses and any boy who does this faces a real risk of being bullied by family members and teased by his peers.

This kind of upbringing, coupled with the pressure of bringing the food to the table and keeping the family together can lead the men of the homes to believe that they should always keep their "game face" on.

For example, in the first story, "The Mats", we are given the initial impression that Mr. Angeles is the typical strong breadwinner and it isn't that normal for these types of people to show much, if any, feelings so when he has a sudden outburst in the end, we are taken aback. It took me a while to understand that when we bottle up frustrations like that, the pressure is bound to build until we have no control over it and it bursts like a seemingly dormant volcano. You think that there is no chance in the world for it to erupt again but the lava is bubbling beneath the surface, slowly gaining momentum and just when you least expect it, BOOM! goes the ~~dynamite~~ err.. molten rock?

In the other story (Divide by Two), wherein the wife is so affected by a silly thing, a division that their next door neighbors have put up between their lawns that she nags her indifferent husband into doing something which eventually culminates into a heated discussion involving the two of them and the kapitbahay.

At first, the man seems so passive, like he's just tolerating how his wife insists on turning molehills into mountains, a couple of bricks into the freaking Great Wall but then we find out that this is not the only thing he could be tolerating. The story suggests that the wife and the man from next door had an affair and the wall could symbolize the man putting an end to it. It came to the point that the husband in the story could not take the hurt and betrayal anymore and just snapped at his enemy, the possible ex of his wife. Of course, his anger could not match that of his wife's (after all, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned) but for someone who seems to have a tendency to shrug things off and keep it all inside, it's a start.

LitFili: Blog No. 1

2008-01-19T06:56:00.000-08:00

Suffice it to say that it's a challenging thing, trying to capture the very essence of my being with infinite permutations of the letters of the alphabet (or words) but let's face it, it's not like I have anything better to do with my time.

Lest you raise your eyebrows and exclaim "how pathetic a life this girl leads!", let me just clarify that I do have things to do and people to see, I think. I just don't feel like it which aside from proving that your earlier conclusion that I am as lame as lame can be is right, probably says a lot about my personality. I've been told that I can make this existence more worthwhile but I never get around to actually getting around and when I do, I don't finish anythi.

Aside from plates and plates of food, that is. People tend to be confused with my need to eat something at all times and that's not the only thing they don't understand about me. I'm sorry but how the heck do you think I feel? I've been putting up with my inability to walk a meter without tripping over my own feet, bumping into a stack of someone else's belongings, sending projectiles flying in multiple directions across the room and eventually hitting my crush with a surprisingly bone-shattering force right on his freaking nose for 18 mortifying years.

So you must think you're doing me a favor by pointing out my inability to interact in a social environment without embarrassing myself and saying things like "something weird always happen to you" but save yourself the trouble. You're not telling me anything that I didn't know in the first place and there's no way you can make me feel any more of a loser as I already do, so just suck it up and wait for some person who can spare a minute to pretend that he actually gives a damn about the crap that comes out of your mouth.

On to the blog then.

I think that the key to appreciating the short story My Father Goes to Court (Carlos Bulosan) is in not taking it too seriously. While it's tempting to criticize how it can never take place in real life, in view of the fact that the wealthy in this country have no need for a judge in court when they have judge on the street armed with a rifle (I'm kidding, I'm kidding), and even if they could, the poor family could be thrown into jail for contempt or something after pulling a stunt like that, it's just a simple story that aims to identify Filipino values.

Although I definitely agree that some Filipinos have to stop being too happy go lucky and start taking things in a more mature manner, we should never be deprived of finding joy in our activities because in such trying times, like the ones we are currently facing, everyone needs a good, hearty laugh.

You know the one I'm talking about, the type that turns your face into the most unattractive and disturbing shade of red and makes your side and back ache so badly as your tears fall along with every ounce of dignity and every guise of poise you hoped to have. It won't bring food to the table or clothe your children's backs but it helps alleviate stress and release tension which makes us feel better and you know what they say about a worker who feels better! You don't? Sorry, I invented it just now. Anyway, a worker who feels better works a little harder but don't think that you can laugh away your worries. A positive attitude goes hand in hand with actual labor.

Penned by Manuel Arguilla, the next story entitled How my Brother Leon Brought Home a Wife hits closer to home for me. I'm familiar with what Leon must have felt, torn between his own happiness and what his family must feel is best and Maria's desire to get along with her in-laws. In the same way I am no stranger to the emotions coursing through Baldo. I can vividly recall the first few instances wherein I appreciated the subtle characteristics of that of the opposite sex and up to now, I constantly seek my elders' approval.

I can almost picture in my mind their family impatiently waiting for their brother's arrival, secretly wondering what his wife would be like, how she would look or what she would say, but no one daring to utter a word, for fear of offending their dear father who must have had his reservations about the whole deal.

Perhaps he thought he was losing his panganay to some city girl who obliges him to work himself half to death just to meet her whims and caprices, so she can buy the latest clothes from fancy catalogues or maybe he was offended that the life that he worked hard to offer his family was not enough, that his son did not want to settle with a probinsyana whose rough, calloused hands were used to work as Leon toiled day in and day out in the fields or plantations with his father as he had always done.

Responsibility for the family's welfare, hospitality, concern about what others might think and the occasional bouts of insecurity are common in every Filipino family, but above this, as observed in how the father became more open when he heard that his son and his son's wife sang the song they used to sing, proving that things were not as bad as he has been afraid it would be, we love our family without question. Not a single one.

2008-01-19T06:47:00.000-08:00

I learned the truth at seventeen
That love was meant for beauty queens
And high school girls with clear skinned smiles
Who married young and then retired
The valentines I never knew
The Friday night charades of youth
Were spent on one more beautiful
At seventeen I learned the truth...

And those of us with ravaged faces
Lacking in the social graces
Desperately remained at home
Inventing lovers on the phone
Who called to say "come dance with me"
And murmured vague obscenities
It isn't all it seems at seventeen...

So remember those who win the game
Lose the love they sought to gain
In debitures of quality and dubious integrity
Their small-town eyes will gape at you
In dull surprise when payment due
Exceeds accounts received at seventeen...

To those of us who knew the pain
Of valentines that never came
And those whose names were never called
When choosing sides for basketball
It was long ago and far away
the world was younger than today
when dreams were all they gave for free
to ugly duckling girls like me