If you had the chance to catch the discussion on the story "Bread of Salt" by N.V.M. Gonzalez that I facilitated, or more appropriately manipulated last Tuesday, I would like to apologize for not being able to shut up.

It has a relatively simple and easy to follow plot but I had to go through it two more times to be able to read between the lines and capture the essence of the story because like I said, everything about a short story, from its title to the setting, even the character's slightest movements means something. The author is attempting to express many things in as few words as possible.

For example, the buying of pandesal in this story is not just a mundane daily task, it represents how the boy takes such great pride in what he thinks is a huge responsibility. Each one of his thoughts and actions, including planning to sneak a love letter in his crush's Algebra book and daydreaming about her acknowledging the effort he has painstakingly put in his studies, sports and playing the violin, was meant for the audience to relate to the character.

Even if you have never liked anyone so much that he or she is perfect (or at the very least, dangerously close) in your eyes so you feel compelled to live up to the imaginary standard you have set so that you can be "enough" for this person, I think most of us have been in a situation wherein we want something so bad and we put our heart and soul into getting it until we realize that it wasn't worth it after all.

Think about it. Maybe it was literally that boy who played soccer with your brother that you vowed on impressing with your vast knowledge of the sport (never mind that you have never played and it makes as much sense to you as frequency distribution tables in Statistics or an alien language) or that Bianca that you stayed up late at night NOT talking to on the phone but studying for the impending Biology exam so she can copy your answers with ease. Or perhaps it was that pair of shoes/Ibanez FR1620 Electronic Guitar/shoes that you spent months and months basically being a slave to your family and friends' demands to earn money for, that was not as good or as rewarding as you had expected.

In the end, at the risk of sounding cheesy and waxing philosophical, we are but dough, painfully cut and kneaded before being thrust into the heavy fire to be able to feed and nourish others.

Summer Solstice by Nick Joaquin is an easy favorite.

It's a shame that most (perhaps all, some can argue) men do not acknowledge and appreciate a woman's beauty and worth because it makes the women neglect it themselves. I personally believe that women are more powerful than they are given credit for and deep down, men are aware of this which is why some of them go on a power trip to reassert their authority and dominance by repressing the woman's true strength and ability.

I think that the way some women feel about themselves is similar to how the boy in the first story feels. Maybe like the boy, some women feel self-conscious and insecure about themselves and they try to cover this up by working on being the best that they can possibly be to fit into the non-existent perfect mold and please others. However, it won't work until the boy and those said women recognize their inherent value and realize that they are meant to be adored.

Labels: Gonzalez, Joaquin, litfili week 3